


Your Favorite Martian: The (Non-Existant) Movie

by LiveWireGoth, Taylormarieisqueen



Category: Your Favorite Martian
Genre: F/M, Humor, Literature, M/M, Other, Post Mpreg, Surprise Pairing, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-26 12:47:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18180791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiveWireGoth/pseuds/LiveWireGoth, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taylormarieisqueen/pseuds/Taylormarieisqueen
Summary: 10 years later, Puff Puff Humbert has fallen on hard times. Divorced, alcoholic, destitute. But a chance meeting with a young woman sets him on a path to reunite the band, and maybe, the adventure of a lifetime!





	1. The Miserable Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> A continuation of the adventures of Your Favorite Martian, 10 years later  
> Pairings:  
> Puff/OC  
> Axel/Benatar  
> slight Deejay/Puff mentions  
> Deejay/OC  
> past!Puff/Tig
> 
> YFM belongs to their rightful owner  
> based on a roleplay with [](https://livewiregoth.deviantart.com/)

__**You-you you you aint seen my balls you aint seen my balls- you aint seen my- my balls....** There's that recording skipping again... it's not like that ipad works...it's as run down as the rest of this place **  
**  
Puff Puff Humbert sighed as he sat in his run down apartment. He'd been living here since his divorce from Tig, who he had risked his house arrest for. The place had been falling apart for years, long overdue for a much needed condemning. 

 

"Well might as well hit the bar again............maybe some drunk floozy will take pity on me." He muttered, sitting up. He fumbles for his red hoodie, grabbing it and fetching his glasses. As he zips his hoodie up, he can't help but think of how his life has gone. He takes a picture out of his pocket, sighing. __  
**  
**_I used to be something. I had a band going on..._ **  
**  
He gazes longingly at the picture: Four men, himself & his band mates, one of them with his face scribbled out. Your Favorite Martian. "I miss them all so much...... except Benatar, he fucking sucks." Puff sighs. Benatar, the blond with his eyes covered with his face scribbled out, was often picked on in the group. Despite this Deejay, the friend/bandmate with the afro seemed to be the only one to take some pity on him though Axel, the drummer, showed it rarely.  
__****  
"I miss picking on that British loser..." He sighs. 10 years ago, Puff risked house arrest to make up for a date with the woman he loved. When he went to jail for breaking house arrest, Your Favorite Martian disbanded. He was released 5 years later & managed to marry Tig. The worst part, YFM was basically a band of unknowns at the time of his arrest; he couldn't even use his fame to pull strings! At best, the local bartender only knows about him and YFM due to his constant drunk ramblings to her and appearing in a video. ****__

****

**__**"Looks like another night of drinking." He sighs, heading out. As he exits his apartment and out into the city, he bitterly looks at the familiar surroundings he would frequent with his old friends. Guns & Liquor, The Bald Beaver.... so many memories... _ ****_

__

_**Ding!  
**_There's that familiar bell. God, as horrible as this place smelled, it had practically become home to Puff. He smiled softly as he saw those golden curls held back by a blue headband working the bar yet again. "Candy!" He called, making his way to his might-as-well-be reserved seat at the bar.

Candy turned to him, a sly smile on her face.  
"Welcome back, Puff Puff. What'll it be tonight? The usual?"  
"You know me too well, Can."  
As she poured him drinks, he talked her ear off about his glory days. With each drink, he became more and more somber, longing for the days of old.  
**_  
_**"Do you just....miss the good old days, Candy?"  
"I pretended to have a penis for your repetitive techno song, I think I'm good."  
Puff sighs, resting his chin in his hand, thinking with not only fondness, but an air of mournful regret. "Sometimes I wish it was easier to complain about my ex-wife than my band.... But hey, it's a good distraction besides the alcohol..."

"You talk a lot about guys you haven't seen in 10 years." Candy comments, used to Puff's borderline homoerotic ramblings.  
"Well it's hard not to; we've been through a lot together. I've know most of them since at least middle school."  
"You ever hear from them at all?"  
"Axel once called about Benatar being in the hospital. I don't know why he knew or why he sounded so concerned, but I'm pretty sure it was an ass dial....God, I wish DeeJay would call me sometime.."  
"Oh boy, here we go..." She sighs.  
As Puff talks to her yet again about his erotic feelings for DeeJay, the lights dim, a single light shining on stage. "Oh the new singer's on." Candy breathes a sigh of relief.  
"New bitch? I'll have fun listening to whatever washed up bitch singing dinosaur music tonight." Puff chuckles, taking a drink.  
_**  
"Baby you're so complicated, the way you're putting me down, and when we go out with your friends, you act like you don't want me around. And I get so frustrated, how everything ends in a fight. Why bring out a candle, when you don't even care to see the light?"**_

 _ ****_And out came Puff's drink. He turned in his seat, gazing in awe. _Someone was actually singing YFM's songs?? Someone remembered them??_  
She was gorgeous: tall, fair skinned, beautiful blue eyes, long black hair with a red ombre that went to her mid back, a skimpy black dress that showed she had curves in all the best places. Puff could feel his face heating up, his pants getting tighter. Good lord, did his pants get tighter.

He watched with lust as she sung the entire song, the entire time imagining this gorgeous tree goth on her back under him. The second she stepped off stage, he immediately ran to her, taking the young woman by surprise.  
"Hey there, pretty lady!" Puff calls, before stopping dead infront of her as she stared at him. Holy shit, this woman must be 6"2! "Holy crap, a gothic tree- I mean, hey."  
"Hi." She says, looking curious as if wondering why he looks familiar.  
"If I said you had a beautiful body, could I put my penis in it?" He asks.  
"Maybe after a date." She says with a girlish giggle.  
"What's your name, hottie?"  
"I'm Dimentia, and you?"  
"Puff Puff Humbert."  
And out came the high pitched squeal.

"You're **_the_** Puff Puff Humbert?!" She asks.  
"The very same, Red Oak." He brags.  
"Oh my gosh, I've been a fan of you since I was a kid! This is such an honor!" She squees as she pulls him into a hug.   
"No wonder you look so familiar! I knew you lived around town but I never though I'd get to meet you in person." Dimentia laughs.  
"I never thought I'd still have a fan!" Puff admits.  
"I listen to your songs all the time, and I thought I'd sing one of them tonight so people could know about them." She admits, brushing hair out of her face. Puff blushed as red as his hoodie, his heart going thump thump at all this. _Someone actually remembers his band & wants them to get the attention he wanted them to..._  
"Oh my god...."  
"Yeah I loved you guys a lot. I always planned to lose my virginity at one of your concerts.."  
"That'd be the most normal thing to happen.." He comments, rubbing his neck.  
She laughs. As the night went on, the two spent their time together, Puff wowing this fan with all his grand stories. Once closing time hit, the two left together, laughing all the way.  
"Hey, Dimentia?" Puff asks, clearing his throat.  
"Yeah?"  
"Do you....think we could maybe, I dunno, go out tomorrow?"  
"Like a date?" She asks, making him blush yet again. Before he could get an answer in, she gladly squealed.  
"Of course I will!" She giggles.   
"Really? Great!"  
"Will you have the YFM bus? I've always wanted to see it!"  
"Sure, I can get it!" He says.  
She squeals, excited.   
"I can get it worked on & show you it before our date."  
"You can really get it worked on for me? Oh Puff, you're amazing!" She coos, making him blush and scratch his head.

She kissed his cheek and walked home, leaving him in a daze. Puff blushes as she heads home, he smiles & heads home himself. If he's going to fix the bus up & in working order, he'll need to get a good night's sleep...  
_"I finally got a date, and I didn't even have to go to jail for her!"_  Puff muses to himself, excited that a woman is into him after 10 years. 

_"Goth pussy, here I come!"_


	2. Time May Change Puff, But Puff Never Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Puff runs into his ex-wife, and his new paramour gives him a dastardly idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YFMTM chapter 2
> 
> Pairings:  
> Puff/OC  
> Axel/Benatar  
> DeePuff mentions  
> DeeJay/OC  
> Past!Puff/Tig
> 
> YFM belongs to their rightful owners  
> Based on an rp with [](https://livewiregoth.deviantart.com/)

The next day, Puff arrives at the storage unit where the bus is being held. He wraps his hoodie around his slim waist, adjusting his glasses. "Time to get to work!" He proclaims, clasping his hands together and starting to work on the window. As he works, whistling, he thinks of how Dimentia is gonna love the bus in tip top condition. She is gonna love this so much, I'm gonna be swimming in pussy! Unbeknownst to him, a familiar redhead spots him working on his bus, distracted on her way to work. 

"Puff Puff?" She questions, surprising him and distracting him from working on the bus. Puff turns around, seeing the face of his ex-wife, Tig Ol' Bitties. She stares at him, head tipped in confusion. "What on earth are you doing?" She asks, a little unnerved. 

"Oh hello, Tigberley." Puff snidely sneered as he crossed his arms. "If you must know, I have a new girlfriend!"  
"You have a new girlfriend?" She asks, still confused by him working on the band's bus.  
Puff groans, getting pissy at being distracted from getting that sweet goth pussy. "I know I haven't been taking the whole 'moving on' thing too well, but seriously, we've been divorced for how long?" Puff asks, pausing as Tig's expression changed to that of complete un-amusement. He was starting to feel like he was digging himself deeper...

"She's a girl I met at the local bar, she's the new singer & we hit it off, she totally wants my penis!" Puff boasts.  
"You met her at a bar?" Tig asks.  
"Yes."  
"And you've known her how long?"  
"Part of the night."  
"So you've known her for 24 hours?"  
"Yes." 

There was a pause as the two stood there in silence, Puff glaring at the dumbfounded redhead.  
".............................................At least you have someone? I guess?" She says awkwardly, rubbing her arm to from tension.  
Puff sighs, turning around. "Do you need anything? I don't want you to be late to work."  
"I'm fine, you just keep doing whatever nonsense you're doing..." She sighs, adjusting her purse.  
"....It was nice seeing you." Puff mutters.  
"You still owe me at the end of the month!" She calls as she walks away.  
"I never forget!"  
"Better not!"

Puff continues his work on the bus, the sun setting as he finishes. "Time to get my princess!". He declares, taking a quick stop to get cleaned up at his apartment. He drives the bus through the streets of Los Angeles, arriving at Dimentia's apartment complex. He parks right infront of her, grinning and taking in her amazed face.

"Hey, hot stuff, guess what I got!" Puff exclaims, plugging his ears as Dimentia lets out a loud excited squeal.  
"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, OHMIGOD, is this really it?!" She asks, jumping up and down in fangirlish glee.  
"Hell yeah!" Puff replies.  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKK!!!"  
"Ready for a ride in the tour bus?" Puff asks, rubbing his damaged ears.  
"Fuck yes!!"

Dimentia stepped into the bus, mindful to not hit her head on the way in. She looks around after she steps in, Puff managed to get the place cleaned up and surprisingly spotless. Aside from some engine repairs, all he had to do was dust and vacuum. 

"Wow.....It's really real.. Your Favorite Martian's real life tour bus!! I've wanted to be inside this place for so long!" Dimentia longingly sighs.  
"Well it's your lucky day." Puff says with a smile, eyes fixated on the much younger woman's large, heavy breasts as if he was a hungry dog looking at a juicy steak.

Dimentia lets out a sudden squee, rushing to a wall. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! OMG There's the dent in the wall Axel made during a drunken stupor!" She says, pointing to a head shaped dent by the window. Puff watches as she gets excited about even the most minute thing in her. Watching this young, starry eyed, boobielicious super fan, he can't help but feel pride & satisfaction that she's so knowledgeable about them and completely, unmistakably into him. 

As she looks around, Dimentia lets out a longing, dreamy sigh. "Man, I wish I could have seen YFM in concert............Heck, if the band reunited, my pussy would belong to whoever made it possible." She muses, eyes closed. 

Puff blinks, eyes focused on the goth's huge breasts, before getting an idea. "You know, maybe it's time we get the band back together." He suggests, grinning as the girl turns her head to him.  
"W-What?" Dimentia says, blinking.  
"We've been apart since the incident that caused me to get put in jail. Maybe we should get everyone back together to revive the band." Puff says, taking her hands. "What do you say, Birch?"  
Her face shifted into an excited, gleeful grin. "That'd be great! OMG Let's do it now!"  
"Pack your stuff, baby girl, we're hitting the road!" Puff proclaims as he takes her home so she can get ready. 5 minutes later, Dimentia returns with at least 10 bags, all packed with everything she needs. "That...wow that was quick.  
Dimentia giggles. "Always ready to go on a trip, it helps to be prepared!" She smiles. Puff helps her load her stuff in, the two climbing into the bus after loading her luggage. Dimentia goes to get into her night clothes as Puff plugs in GIA the GPS, putting in coordinates and getting into a subsequent argument with the feminist GPS.

"Where do I sleep?" Dimentia asks, coming out of the bathroom. Puff blushed at her, pants getting even tighter. She was wearing only socks and a very, very large yellow flannel shirt.  
"Uh...I...Uh...Y-You can sleep in Benatar's bunk." Puff stutters, trying to hide his boner.  
"Aww really? Thank you so much, Puff Puff!" She thanks him, climbing to the top bunk. Puff tried not to stare at her white underwear. Especially not the pink lace...  
"Ohmygod, he still has the Sheila shrine!" He hears her squee.  
"God, I hope Benatar isn't' that thirsty any more.." Puff mutters. "Ah, he's probably fine."

Puff drives to his apartment, getting everything from the apartment that isn't rotten or decrepit. He looks at the place one last time, sighing.  
"So long, you dirty, rotting shit." He says as he closes the door and the entire building shakes, alarming him. Puff manages to rush outside, loading his stuff in, driving off as the building collapses to the ground. Before he leaves town, he stops at a mailbox, putting in his annual payment to Tig for the month. "That oughta shut her up." He says, wiping his hands and driving off with his tree goth in tow, off to reunite Your Favorite Martian.

And immediately, got stuck in traffic.

"MOVE YOUR SHIT, YOU FUCKS!!"


	3. Something Beautiful Begins to Blossom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Puff and Dimentia have a little heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your Favorite Martian: The Movie, chapter 3! Sorry this chapter was so dialogue heavy, but I wanted to develop Puff and Dimentia a little more. Next chapter: Mr. Douchebag and the Jersey Shore!  
> Pairings:  
> Puff/OC  
> Axel/Benatar  
> Slight DeeJay/Puff mentions  
> DeeJay/OC  
> Past!Puff/Tig
> 
> YFM belongs to their rightful owners

Dimentia exited the bathroom, having finished her morning shower and gotten dressed. She walks over to Puff, who's grumbling at the wheel. The two had been on the road for nearly two weeks, halfway across the country, and Puff was beginning to fall anxious. He _ **really**_ didn't want to admit he had no fucking idea where his bandmates were.

"How's it going, Puffy?" Dimentia asks, wrapping her arms around him from behind.  
"Go-going great, D. Just fine.." Puff mutters, face red, pants constricting.  
Puff let out a gulp as he could feel Dimentia's soft, big breasts against his back. Good lord, when was the last time a woman touched him? He held his legs together, biting his bottom lip as she brushed her cheek against his, snuggling close. He was sweating bullets at this point...

 _ **Skreeee!!  
**_Puff and Dimentia held onto each other as they lurched forward from the sudden jolt. Dimentia blinked, looking up, moving hair out of her face.

"What was that?!" Dimentia asks, shocked by the near crash.  
"Nothing, just-just me getting distracted by....a bunny." Puff explains, trying to cover being horny while behind the wheel.  
"Is it okay?!"  
"Yeah, yeah, it's fine.." Puff quickly says, before resuming driving. Dimentia managed to get herself into the passenger seat, adjusting her dark curls. She gazed at Puff across from her, feeling as though something is off.

"Puffy?" She asks.  
"Hm?"  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yeah...Um.. Wow it's kinda nice to be quiet, much better than Benatar's crying. You know he cried a lot, especially in Jersey." Puff says, quickly changing the subject.  
"What made him cry?" Dimentia asks, sensing Puff's discomfort.  
"You know that Sheila shrine & our song, Friend Zone? His friend, Sheila, was dating a total douche, and I guess Benatar didn't want to accept the fact that her actual boyfriend was better for her. I don't know what happened with them, Benatar was a crying little bitch  after." He explains.  
"Ouch, unrequited love always sucks." Dimentia comments.  
"He always talked about how he just wanted what's best for her, but that dude was thirsty as fuck. Apparently he's gotten over her."  
"How do you know?"  
"You wanna know the weird part? Axel told me."  
"Axel?"  
"I know it's weird, Axel always hated being near him. I don't know how he knows all this stuff, especially if the bitch is in the hospital!"  
"Ohhhhhh, do i sense a possible romance?" Dimentia teases.  
".....What?" Puff asks, confused.  
"Hatred turns to friendship, Friends become lovers, then comes marriage, all that" She laughs.  
Puff pauses, taking in her silly ramblings. "Girl, you crazy."

The two sat quietly as Puff drove, Dimentia staring out the front window. Dimentia finally lets out a laugh, cracking a small smile.

"But you love me anyway, right?"  
"........I-....yeah.." Puff clears his throat.  
"Hey Puff? I had an idea."  
"You what?  
"Why don't we stop in Jersey? I could use a beach visit.." Dimentia says.

Jersey? Beach? .......Douchebags... _Brock!_  
"Of course, we can ask Brock where DeeJay is!" Puff exclaims.  
"Brock?"  
"Yeah, we were tight with him! He worked for us backstage!"  
"Oh yeah, I remember him! He would always block me when I tried to get back stage!" Dimentia fondly remembers.  
"So, he's gotta know where DeeJay is!" Puff declares.  
"What are we waiting for then?" Dimentia cheekily asks.  
"Let's go!" 

Dimentia put in the coordinates for Jersey beach, Puff driving with her directions. The couple made their way on the road, off to the great shithole of New Jersey.

And immediately, got stuck in traffic.  
__**  
**"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"  



	4. You Had One Chance To Make Me Blush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Puff and Dimentia make a stop in Jersey, where Dimentia reveals her painful past and confronts and old flame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whooo boy, this chapter got fucking dark. 

"Helloooooo, Jersey!" Dimentia declared, swinging on the bus door as it opened, her long necklace dangling past her white spaghetti strap crop top and touching the belt on her sea foam colored short shorts. The two had just arrived on the Jersey Shore, intending to find Brock, Deejay's location, and maybe have a little fun in the sun.

"Yeah, great.." Puff mutters as he shields the sun from his eyes, hoodie wrapped around his waist. He couldn't help but stare at Dimentia's gorgeous backside as she set her sandal wedge-clad feet on the ground, fixing her long hair. This girl truly knew how to make a man's pants tighten to such an absurd degree, it was wild. He blushed and gulped as she turned around to face him, hands held together and posed impishly.

"So, Puffy..." Dimentia asks, in an almost baby doll voice.   
"Y-yeah?" Puff responds, rubbings his neck.  
"Do...Do you think we could spend some time together?" She asks.  
"Uhh sure.." Puff says.

The two walk through the boardwalk, visiting various gift shops and food joints. Buying all sorts of items: jewelry, clothes, rings, food. Who knew Puff and Dimentia both loved Smirnoff and Cola? Eventually the sun begins to set, the two relaxing on beach towels on the warm sand.

"God, I never knew I'd have such a great time in fucking Jersey!" Puff laughs, relaxing.  
"I know, I told you you'd love it!" Dimentia giggles, touching and rubbing Puff's arm. She stares into his eyes, and he stares into hers. The two lean in, Puff touching her face as his lips meet hers. She pushed against him, and he against her, engaged in a battle of lust. Suddenly, Dimentia breaks away, looking as if a memory was brought up.  
"Are you okay?" Puff asks, confused.  
"....I...." Dimentia says, trailing off as she looks at her legs.  
"What's wrong?"  
"I...don't want to say.."  
"Come on, I won't tell. Just tell me."  
"....You promise?"  
"Martian's promise."  
"......When...When I was in high school... I had a crush on a much older guy. He was funny, lewd, reminded me so much of you. But he had a girlfriend who was such a fucking whore.. She cheated on him 24/7... Well...eventually he got pissed and had enough and decided to pay her back the same way.. I offered myself up...Eventually, she left him, I got pregnant...Well, he didn't like that so..."  
"So what?"  
"I....had to get rid of it..." Dimentia admits, burying her face in her knees.  
Puff could only stare, trying to process all this information. Jesus, such a perky, upbeat woman went through something as horrific as that? It's almost too much to bare, his heart became heavy...

"Oh hey, look! Beer pong!" Puff says, grabbing Dimentia's hand and leading her to a party nearby where some guido boys are playing beer pong.

"Beer pong?" Dimentia asks.  
"You wanna bet I can beat everyone here?" Puff asks, cheeky.  
"Do you even know how?" Dimentia questions.  
"Yeah, played enough times to figure it out. Sometimes played with Axel & or DJ when we felt like it & had nothing better to do." Puff said, looking a little proud about the first bit. "Watch this."

Puff ran to the table, entering the game. He went on for two hours, singlehandedly defeating each opponent as his tree goth watched on, staring.

"F-Fuck yeah, shitfucks!" Puff declared as he defeated the last conquest, drunk off his ass.  
"Puff, let's get back to the bus." Dimentia tells him, carefully holding him.  
"I'm number one! Numero Uno, whores!!" Puff drunkenly shouts as he's carried away.

Dimentia quietly walks with Puff in her arms, feeling equal amounts of shame and some weird mix of shame and pride. She carries him to the bus, putting him in bed. She tucks him in like a child, kissing him on the lips. Once she's sure he's safe in bed, she walks outside to think.

"God, what if he thinks less of me? What if he thinks I'm damaged goods? God, I'm so fucking stupi-"  
"Kelly? Kelly, baby! What the fuck where you doing with that weirdass loser?"

Dimentia turns around, mortified at the voice. She sees the familiar face of her ex boyfriend, Ford. God, that man was always the worst combination of guido and pretentious neckbeard.

"Ford, get the fuck out of here!!" Dimentia angrily shouts.  
"Oh you decided to downgrade, huh?" He sneers.  
"He's in a band!"  
"How's cucking him?"  
"Fuck off, you bitch ass cunt!" She screams, before he angrily grabs her and twists her arm, slamming her into the bus.

"What'd you say, bitch? You fuckin' ugly little cunt, someone oughta teach you a lesson. Maybe remind you what a real man looks like!" He screams in her face. Dimentia wriggles, eventually getting her arm free by stabbing his wrist with her nails. He screams in agony and she punches him in the face, eventually kicking him and punching him before fleeing when he starts to chase her, running into the bus and starting it. Dimentia closes her eyes as she speeds, the bump the bus makes telling her she ran him over. She drives for a few miles before stopping outside a suburban neighborhood, running out and collapsing to her knees, sobbing. She cries with her head in her lap, not noticing a pair of sneaker clad feet walk up to her.

"Excuse me, miss. Are you okay?" She hears a man's voice, causing her to cease crying. Dimentia looks up, seeing the face of Brock in the street lights. She eventually makes a noise, and he takes her inside. Once she's calmed down, she finally explains what's she's come here for.

"And that's our story so far, Mr. Sorentino." Dimentia finishes, holding her cup of hot tea.  
"Well that's quite a story, Ms. Lane. I see Puff hasn't changed much from when he babysat my daughter, Tara." Brock jokes, as Dimentia stares at him.  
"So...Do you know where DeeJay is?" She asks, nervously.  
"Of course I do! I got him the job after all! At the most trendy, avant-garde night club in New York." He boasts. He hands her a flyer, and Dimentia stares at it, reading.

 _Monday through Sunday...... TJ the Deejay acts as the disk jockey of NYC's very own...._ Dimentia's eyes focused on the name of the club, staring in disbelief. The words came out of her mouth like a waterfall of disbelief.

" _Club Incontinence_??"  



	5. Yes, The Club Is Actually Called That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At a disgusting nightclub, Puff and Dimentia search for DeeJay, and end up coming across a lovely lad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spot the Prozzak cameo! :3

Puff groaned as he awoke, clutching his head. He sat up, rubbing his forehead. Puff swung his legs off the bed, trying to deal with his hangover. Unfortunately for him, he was interrupted by the door swinging open.

"Puff, I found where DeeJay is!" Dimentia declares, waving the flier around.  
"Geezus, hang over!" He whines.  
"Puff, I know where DeeJay is! Brock helped me, here!" She says, waving the flier in his face.  
"Alright, alright! Give me that!" He snaps, snatching it out of her hands.   
_"Blah blah blah, TJ the DeeJay, blah blah blah, NYC's hottest club... **CLUB INCONTINENCE?!** "_ Puff reads, adjusting his glasses in shock.  
"Yup!"  
"Ugh....this is gonna be gross.."

The two headed back out on the road, immediately getting stuck in traffic.

 **"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! AGAIN!?!"** Puff roared.

After the traffic debacle, the two managed to arrive in NYC in a day. Once night falls, the two pull up to Club Incontinence and prepare to exit the bus. Puff looks in the mirror, spiking his hair up. 

"Puff, which do you want?" He hears Dimentia ask.  
"Which what?" Puff mutters before looking surprised at what Dimentia has. He sees her holding two diapers, one in pink and one in blue.  
"Do you want the blue elephants, or the pink teddies?" Dimentia asks, waiting for his answer.  
"Well, I like bears but......Eh, give me the blue."  
"Here you go." She says, and leaves to the bathroom to put on the pink diaper.  
"This better be worth it.." Puff grimaces as he looks at the blue diaper in his hands.

The two eventually exit, seeing the line to the club.   
"Who knew New York Socialites liked shitting themselves?" Puff comments.  
"Ready?" Dimentia asks.  
"As I'll ever be.." Puff groans.  
"Plug your nose, Puff!" She says as she drags him in.

The club was bouncing, waves upon waves of New York City's elitest socialites dancing and vibing to the rhythm of the club. The two searched around, desperately trying to search for anyone who knows DeeJay. Eventually, the two end up in a booth with a pink haired, feminine club goer. 

"This sucks, we'll never find DeeJay!" Puff whines.  
"Have hope, Puff." Dimentia consoles him.  
"Oh shut up, you fuckin-" He's interrupted by both of their arms being tugged on by the club goer, gesturing with their hands in sign language.

"..........Do you understand what she's saying?" Dimentia asks.  
"No clue."  
The club goer face palms, before getting out their phone to communicate in text. Eventually Puff and Dimentia discover that the club goer is actually a young crossdresser named Pixie, and that his boyfriend works as a DJ to the club, pointing them to the box jutting out of the wall several feet above the dance floor.

"DeeJay must be in there! Come on, Rosewood!" Puff declares, grabbing Dimentia and running up the stairs with her. They stop just around the corner, seeing two men guarding the door to DeeJay's booth.

"What are we gonna do, Puff?" Dimentia asks.  
"I have an idea, baby girl. Do you have a trench coat and a fedora? Also, imma need to stand on your shoulders." He replies.

Five minutes later, The two guards are approached by a tall figure.  
"Excuse me, is one of you the owner of a red Fiat?" He asks.  
"Yes, that'd be me." Replies the buff, blond one.  
"Well you might need to check it, some kangaroos were trying to jack it!" The figure replies, smirking as the guard runs.  
"Same for your white sedan!" comes the voice from the figures midsection, causing the short, black haired one to look worried. "Some bears were gangbanging it!" And with that, the short guard ran off.

The figure smirks and removes their coat, revealing Puff and Dimentia. The two open the door, causing DeeJay to turn around in surprise.  
"Hey, DeeJay! Long time no see!" Puff exclaims.   
"Heyyy!!" Dimentia squees.  
"Didn't expect to see me, huh, Anthony Anderson?" Puff jokes.

DeeJay stares, before rolling his eyes under his afro.  
"Man, what're you doing here?"  
"To get you, Sherman Klump!" Dimentia replies.  
"We're getting YFM back together!" Puff explains. "DeeJay, meet Dimentia. Dimentia, TJ the DeeJay."  
"It's a pleasure to meet you, sir!" She giggles.

Deejay looks at her up and down, realizing she probably has something to do with this.   
"Puff, what kind of pussy you chasin' now?" He asks.  
"Don't talk that way about YFM's #1 superfan!" Puff says.  
"Sir, I've been a fan of you since I was a kid." She says.

DeeJay can only stand there, unsure of how to react. He looks at Puff, seeing hopefulness in his eyes, a gleam in his grin.  
"What do you say?" Puff asks.  
".......Fine, I'll join you guys. But you can stay with me and Pixie tonight, traffic's fucking shit."  
"Good idea. Don't need Puffy having an aneurysm due to traffic." Dimentia comments.

The three chill in the DJ box, Puff and Dimentia chilling in foldable chairs as DeeJay mixes.  
"Hey, DeeJay, do you ever feel like your job is just..sick and gross?" Puff asks.  
"It pays bills, Puff." DeeJay replies.   
"But you make people shit themselves."  
"Puff."  
"...Ehh, you're right. I mean, it can't be any worse than when Kermit the Frog had an abortion."  
".....Puff, hold on to that thought, because when we get back to my penthouse, I'm gonna explain everything wrong with that sentence."

The night dragged on, eventually the club closed, and the four headed back to the penthouse. Puff was absolutely amazed by how lavish it was.  
"Holy shit!" Puff says.  
"You and Dimentia can stay in the guest room. We can head out tomorrow." DeeJay replies.  
"Umm....guys?" Dimentia asks. "Do you know where the bathroom is? I....kind of used my pink teddies..." Dimentia sheepishly admits.  
"...Upstairs, there's a bathroom in your bedroom." He says.  
"Thank you!"

Dimentia hurries upstairs, leaving the three in silence.

"....Gross." Puff comments.  



	6. Mr. Chains, Eh?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our intrepid heroes come to Canada to retrieve Axel Chains, but it looks like our favorite metal drummer has a life all his own?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, we finally get to Axel and Benatar!

"Hey...do, uh, do you really have to do that out here?" Puff asked as he tried to avoid looking at Pixie, the younger man sitting across from him on his own bunk, feeding the bushy haired infant in his arms, giving Puff a glare. For the life of him, Puff simply couldn't understand why DeeJay and Pixie decided to bring their baby son, TJ Jr, along on this road trip. He wasn't even going to bother asking _how_ these two men even had a child in the first place. Puff was starting to doubt Pixie was actually a dude.

"Now, Puff, let him feed him. My boy's gotta eat." DeeJay comments from the driver's seat.  
"He's so adorable, I'm so jealous!" Dimentia coos, watching the baby from the passenger seat. Puff goes quiet at her words, remembering what she told him a while back. She had to get rid of her own baby, might as well let her enjoy the babies of others. He lays back in his bunk, hands behind his head. He looks outside the window watching the trees go by.

"DeeJay, how long until we get to the border?" Puff groans, bored.   
"About a couple miles. Try to be patient, you're lucky I'm driving." DeeJay replies.  
"You would have had an aneurysm by now." Dimentia adds.

The group eventually reached the Canadian border, arriving at the boarder patrol toll station.  
"Passport." The Mountie officer said.  
DeeJay showed his passport, along with the others, and the 4 drove on once the barrier was raised.

"DeeJay, where's Axel's workplace, do you know?" Puff asks.  
"Yeah, he told me he worked at his dad's steel and saw mill."  
"Is that it?" Dimentia asks, pointing to a sign reading _Chains Steel and Saw Mill._ The bus parked and the group exited, lightly bundled up due to the chilly Canadian weather. Puff looked around as the walked through the open entrance, crinkling his nose at the smell of burning.

"Can I help you with something?" A worker asked, noticing the group.  
"Yeah, Hi! We're looking for a Mr. Axel Chains, his dad owns this place." Dimentia politely responds, flashing a grin.  
"He's on his lunch jog, should be back in about twenty minutes."  
"What kind of fucking loser jogs on lunch??" Puff asks.

The group decided to sit down, Puff in Dimentia's lap, DeeJay cuddling Pixie and TJ besides them. Puff couldn't help but keep staring at the family. _How do they have a kid? There's gotta be an explanation.._

 __Dimentia's head shot up, staring. The other three turned to see what she was seeing, and were blown away by the sight of the sweaty, buff, Brock O'Hurn looking Adonis that walked in, wiping his face with a towel. They wouldn't have recognized him if it wasn't for one simple thing: Those fucking bangs.

"Axel!?" Puff says, astonished.  
Axel jolts, turning to look at them, clearly surprised to see them.

"Puff Puff?"  
"Heyyy! It's us, Axel!"  
"What is you guys even doing here?"   
"We're getting the band back together! Please say yes, cause we gotta hop on the next flight to England to get that bitch Benatar." 

Axel simply paused, staring at them.  
"Sure....but how about you guys stay with me the night? You can get to meet my wife and daughter."  
"You're married?! With a kid?!" Puff asks, shocked.  
"Yep. My wife's a hot blond too."  
"Uh...sure.." Puff says, still in shock.  
"Cool, cool. Let me just clock out with my dad. HEY DAD!!" Axel hollers to the ceiling.  
"WHAT?!" A stereotypically Irish voice called down.  
"I'M CLOCKING OUT FOR THE DAY, I'M GONNA TAKE MY OLD BAND MEMBERS TO MEET THE MRS.!"  
"AYE!"  
"Alright let's go."

They headed back to the bus, driving to Axel's home. As they drove, Axel told them all about his new life, how he now lived in his childhood home, how his relationship with his wife is, as well as about the beautiful blond Mrs. Chains in general.

"You ignored a hot blond in kitty lingerie?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Pufff asks.  
"Yeah, not my proudest moment." Axel says, rubbing his neck.  
"Is that your house??" Dimentia asks, pointing to the quaint 70's style two story, with a lovely little garden out front.  
"That's it."

The bus parked in the driveway, and they headed to the front door. As Axel opened the door, the group heard an adorable high pitched squeal. They looked down seeing a little toddler rushing to Axel and hugging his legs.

"Daddy, Daddy!!" She squeals, giggling.  
"Aww, hey Nicki." Axel coos, picking her up.  
"AWww she's so precious!!" Dimentia squees.

Vincent caws from his cage, as if greeting his owner. The golden hawk in the cage nuzzles him, the egg cuddled close to her.  
"Oh, Puff, DeeJay, you guys remember Vincent? This is his mate, Missy." Axel gestures to the golden hawk.  
"Yeah, yeah, where's your wife? I wanna see if she's got huge fucking tiddies!" Puff says, impatient.  
"Okay okay... Hey honey!" Axel calls. "Come say hi to our guests!"

Puff crossed his arms, tapping his foot. He heard the sound of little Nicki cheering "Mommy!" and turned his head, but was rendered utterly shocked at the sight of Axel's wife. That face, those bangs...no...no it couldn't be....

And then _he_ spoke. 

" 'Ello, Puff Puff!" came that familiar, cheerful voice.

Puff's jaw dropped, in total shock.  
**_  
_**"BENATAR?!"  



	7. Oh, Sure, Rub it in, Blondie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gang goes to a bar where Benatar show's he's still got it. Dimentia loses it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 is finally here!
> 
> Songs used are "Shooting Star" and "Dont Pull Your Love"

Puff could only stare at Benatar, the blond tipping his head at him. This was Axel's wife? How?! How could this even be? He could only guess Benatar was staring back, those bangs hid a lot.  Axel had the smuggest grin on his face, trying to stifle his own hyena laughter. Nicki simply stared as she clung to Axel, not quite understanding what was going on.

"HOW DID YOU TWO HAVE A KID?!" Puff shrieked.  
"I gave birth." Benatar replied.  
"HOW!?" Puff gawked.  
"Oh, it's best not to ask." Benatar responded.

Dimentia was busy gushing and cooing over little Nicki as Puff stood dumbfounded. He shook his head, deciding not to ask further questions. In all honesty, this was the least bizarre thing he'd seen in life. He was even ready to laugh in the face of anyone who'd claim this was the most bizzare thing they'd ever seen. Puff rubbed the back of his neck, and noticed something out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head to see it, and squinted his eyes at the poster he saw.

"Axeltar?" He read, confused.  
"Yeah, that's the band Benatar and I made." Axel explained.  
"We write and perform children's songs!" Benatar chirps.

Puff could only blink; really? Children's songs? 

"So...about what I was gonna say.."  
"Oh, we'd love to reunite YFM!" Benatar says.  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, dumbass, we said we talked over the phone on it!" Axel replies.  
"Plus it'd be a great way to get a family holiday!"  
"Hang on, we sure Benatar's voice is up to snuff? I mean, this nigga's been singing kid's songs for years!" DeeJay interjects.  
"Oh my voice is fine! Why, why don't we go to the nearest pub and I'll show you?" Benatar asks. "We can go after dinner, I'm making Shepherd's Pie!"

Benatar gave a sweet smile, as Puff just sighed and agreed to dinner. After a while, Benatar was in the kitchen fetching the pie from the oven, as the others sat at the table, waiting for their meal. He hummed as he pulled the dish from the oven, smelling the delicious aroma from under the cover. He shut the oven door with his foot, strolling out to the dining room where Puff and Axel were having a heated debate.

"Dude, how can anyone be expected to believe a grown ass woman can't control her own Stand, but a baby can?!" Puff asks, flabbergasted.  
"Holly's just that sweet, man! She's too pure and innocent for her own good; she's like Benatar!" Axel replies.  
"Holly Kujo is a weak ass bitch!"  
"'Ello boys, whatcha talking about?" Benatar asks, sitting the dish on the table.  
"Something called JoJo's." Dimentia answers. 

Once the group finished dinner, they decided to head out to the local pub, taking Axel's car. Nicki and TJ were left at home, it was past their bedtime anyway.  Luckily, Axel's mom agreed to come over and babysit for them while they were out. Dimentia gazed out the backseat window, staring at the passing scenery as they drove to the bar. Once they arrived, they group headed to a nearby booth, Benatar making arrangements to sing later. The group drank as they waited, their attention soon caught as Benatar was announced. 

"Wish me luck!" Benatar chuckled as he walked away.  
"Break a leg, baby!" Axel called.  
"Gay." Puff simply commented.

Benatar walked up to the mic, tapping it as he cleared his throat and moved his hair out of his face, his deep green eyes staring piercingly at the crowd before him. He smirked as he began to sing. 

__**** I can be your shooting star, just catch me when I fall, each night for you  
  
I can be your hiding place, keep you safe within my walls, just never leave me empty  
_**  
'Cause somewhere our love it's much brighter than it is here,** _

_**Somewhere our love it's much safer than it is here** _

_****_"Oh Puff, this song is so romantic! Let's dance, come on!" Dimentia exclaimed as she pulled Puff onto the dance floor, entrapping him in a slow dance. Puff's face was so red, his hoodie would have been jealous. Dimentia smiled, her eyes closed as Puff's face was right in her chest. And there went Puff's pants, tightening again.  
__**  
** I can be your rolling wave, So when you lose control, I can carry you back to shore  
  
I can be your morning bird, I'll sing you back to life, just never shut me out  
  
I can be your gentle breeze, I'll climb in through your window, to kiss your cheek, and put you to sleep  
  
Puff could feel his heart beating through his chest, unable to speak. " _What the hell's going on with me?? I haven't felt like this since..._ " He thought, as it hit him. He was in love. He had well and truly fallen in love with Dimentia...  
__**  
** Cause somewhere our love is much stronger than it is here, 

_** Somewhere our love sounds much sweeter than it does here,  ** _

__**** Somewhere our love is much stronger;  
_**  
Than it is here,** _

_****_Dimentia opened her eyes as Puff pulled away from her for a moment to look her in the eyes. She stared confused at his blushing face; he looked so embarassed and so cute.... Puff closed his eyes and got onto the tips of his toes, curling his fingers as he tilted his head back. Dimentia blushed, but smiled at him and leaned down...

__**** Somewhere our love sounds much sweeter than it does here  
  
And I do these for you love  
  
I do all of these for you love  
**_  
Somewhere our love shines much brighter than it does here,  _ **

****__ Somewhere our love is much safer than it is here  
  
And I'll do this for you love  
  
I can be your shooting star just catch me when I fall, 

**_ Each night for you; My love _ **

**_ _ ** _"Kelly Lane, fancy seeing your little face here."_

Dimentia and Puff pulled apart, Dimentia looking shocked by the seductive, almost baby-doll like voice.. Puff nearly dropped his jaw upon seeing the woman before him. She had dark, almost black wavy brown hair with a noticeable strand resting between her eyes. Her slim hourglass figure was accentuated by her green, short-sleeved, v-neck shirt and blue jean capris. She had her hands rested on her wide hips, which offset her tiny little waist. Her glasses shimmered, showing her piercing green eyes as she had a coy smirk on her face.

"Holy shit, who is this thot!" Puff gawked.  
"oh....K-Kitty....!" Dimentia stuttered, ankles shaking.  
"Kelly, I almost didn't recognize you without 100 pounds of fat on you! Eugh, still going after the emo/goth scene, are you?" She laughed, looking at her up and down.  
"Who is this bitch?"  
"Puff, this is Kitty. We used to be friends. Well, not after.....after....."  
"No need to get all emotional, crybaby." Kitty snorted, amused at Dimentia's fear.  
"This chick was your friend? This ho?"

**"Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for another round of Benatar Chains, now joined by his husband Axel! Take it away boys!" came the voice on stage.**

"Kelly Lane, always years behind and unstable as fuck!! I knew you were pathetic when you still obsessed over YFM in high school."  
"YFM helped me cope with my life, Kitty! I was going through so much shit, you KNOW what Ford put me through!"  
"Ugh, save your bitch tears, Kelly."  
"Dude, leave her alone. Why don't you get out of here?" Puff commented, annoyed by Kitty's passive aggressive attacking of Dimentia.

 ** __Don't pull your love out on me baby  
**   
If you do then I think that maybe   
  
I'll just lay me down and cry for a hundred years  
  
Don't pull your love out on me honey  
  
Take my heart, my soul, my money  
  
But don't leave me drownin' in my tears  
  
Kitty's eyes darted up and down at Puff. She suddenly had a salacious grin on her face, licking her lips seductively at Puff, causing him to freeze up.

"Ohh, I never guessed a nerd like you could be so attractive. How about I show you what a real woman looks like??" She creeped, coming closer to Puff.  
"What the fuck?!" Puff squawked.  
"Come on, trade up from this gothic bitch!!" She groans, as she starts grinding herself on Puff, much to his horror and revulsion.  
"Get off me, you crazy bitch!!"

Dimentia watched in horror, her heart racing and sweat dripping down her. She began to hyperventilate and quake as Kitty continued  taunting her, tears forming in her eyes.

**"GET OFF MY BOYFRIEND, YOU THOT"**

****__  
You say you're gonna leave  
  
Gonna take that big white bird  
  
Gonna fly right out of here  
  
Without a single word  
  
Don't you know you'll break my heart  
  
When I watch you close that door  
  
'Cause I know I won't see you anymore

**__**Dimentia held her fist, quaking. Eventually, she let out an ear piercing roar, punching Kitty in the face.

"GET OFF MY BOYFRIEND, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" She roared. She sucker punched Kitty, barely giving her time to register the attack as Dimentia's fist continued to pound into her flesh. Dimentia hit and hit and hit, stepping on Kitty's feet, punching her in her cheeks, kneeing her in the face. Puff watched in shock, seeing Dimentia attack her as if she was in some kind of berserk rage. 

 __ **Haven't I been good to you  
**   
What about that brand new ring  
  
Doesn't that mean love to you  
  
Doesn't that mean anything  
  
If I threw away my pride  
  
And I got down on my knees  
  
Would I have to beg you, "pretty please"  
  
"HOLY SHIT, what is your damage, you crazy bitch?!" Kitty shrieked as Dimentia threw her across the bar. "THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN DOING, YOU PSYCHO?!" Dimentia continued to punch her, enraged. 

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT UP! DO YOU NOT SEE HOW MUCH DAMAGE YOU'VE DONE TO ME?! MANIPULATING ME?! THE CONSTANT MENTAL ABUSE?! BEING USED AS YOUR FUCKING PUNCHING BAG FOR YEARS?!!! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" Dimentia roars, as she beats her more.

****__ There's so much I wanna do  
  
I've got love enough for two  
  
But I'll never use it girl if I don't have you

****__  
Don't pull your love out on me baby  
  
If you do then I think that maybe  
  
I'll just lay me down and cry for a hundred years  
  
Don't pull your love out on me honey  
  
Take my heart, my soul, my money  
  
But don't leave me drownin' in my tears

Kitty managed to get away, running into the streets as Dimentia follows her out of the bar.

"GET AWAY, YOU PSYCHO BITCH!!" Kitty shrieks. "YOU'D BE SO MUCH BETTER OFF DEA-"

She was then immediately hit by a speeding bus.

Dimentia managed to snap out of her rage, looking around. She held herself, confused and scared.

"Dude.." Puff said, looking out of the door. "That was......AWESOME! Who knew my babe was such a bada-mmph!" He was interrupted by Dimentia pulling him into a frenzied kiss. He barely had time to think as she grabbed him and dragged him into the bathroom, the sounds of savage, aggressive love making could be heard.

"Wait, wait, what are you doin- ** _OOOOKLAHOMA WHERE THE WIND COMES SWEEPING DOWN THE PLANE!!"_**  



	8. You Won't Make(r) Me Do It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Puff's moment with Dimentia is interrupted by a sudden surprise. Dimentia may not be all that she appears to be...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 is here and hoo boy is it a doozy.

The sun shone onto the bed as the birds chirped, Puff and Dimentia were cuddled up under the covers, their naked bodies together. Puff stirred awake, his arm still around on the sleeping young woman, her head resting on his chest. They had made love for the second time that night, after an adrenaline-filled fuck in the pub men's room. Puff yawned as he opened his eyes, turning his head towards his beloved tree goth. She was so beautiful as she slept, he couldn't help but smile. The sun shone on her pale skin, her black, red-ombre'd hair falling on her face. He carefully brushed her hair away, causing her to stir awake. She looked at him with those big beautiful blue eyes. God, she was so perfect...if he was wearing pants, they'd be tightening right now..

"Morning, sleepyhead..." He whispered, kissing her head. Dimentia smiled softly, enjoying the moment.  
"Morning yourself, Puffy Pie." She chuckled, snuggling close. Puff carefully patted her head, feeling her luxurious black hair.

The two laid their for a few moments, enjoying the near silence and the company of the one they loved. Their happy moment was rudely interrupted by the sound of the chorus of "Booty Store" coming from the end table next to the bed. Puff turned his head, looking to see his Iphone ringing. He groaned and reached over, hitting "answer" and putting it up to his ear, rubbing his face.

"Hello?" He groaned, hand over his eyes.  
"Hi, daddy!" 

The cheerful, chipper sound of the child on the other end made Puff immediately bolt up, confusing Dimentia as she was thrust upwards and forced to sit up. Goddamnit, visiting Kimmie was this month? Holy shit, it'd been a month since he went on his quest. Jesus christ, he really had lost track of time. Puff cleared his throat, trying to compose himself.

"H-Hey, sweetiepie! How's my favorite little girl?" He managed to say, forcing a smile onto his face.  
"Puff, who is it?" Dimentia asked, her face full of concern but her voice full of dread.   
"N-No one, ba-"  
"Daddy, is there another lady with you?!?"

Puff's face flushed as he stared at Dimentia's stone cold expression, as if she was trying to process this information. He gulped as he realized she had heard the child, ignoring his daughter on the other end repeating "Daddy". 

"Uhh....Look, Kimmie, daddy'll call you back later." Puff said, hanging up.

He continued to look at Dimentia, her face had gone from blank to almost hurt. Her face contorted into a pained grimace, as if she was starting to fight back tears.

"Y-you have a-a daughter...??? Why didn't you tell me?!" She barked, starting to shake.  
"Woah, woah, baby! You never asked-wait, shit." He muttered, realizing that wouldn't help.  
".......I need to take a shower, just go down to breakfast."

Puff watched as she got up and headed to the bathroom. He groaned and got himself up, dressing himself in his white t-shirt and blue jeans. Puff ran a hand through his spiky hair as he reached for his glasses and headed out of the bedroom. His eyes roamed around the hallway, looking for anything to distract himself from Dimentia's tantrum. He noticed the photos on the hallway wall, all photos of Axel and Benatar. The first one that truly drew his eye was the wedding photo, Benatar was in a simple dress (Puff couldn't help but think a bitch like Benatar deserved to be the one in the dress) holding a bouquet, Axel in a tux with his hair tied in a ponytail over his shoulder. Both had such morose, pitiful expressions; if one didn't know any better, they'd think this was a photograph of a marriage that happened at gun point. On one hand, it was an utterly miserable picture; on the other, it was an oddly fitting picture given Axel said he only married Benatar since he didn't want to go back to Canada alone.

The rest were a blur, but one thing remained on Puff's mind as he walked down the stairs. Had his friends really changed so much? What happened to Axel's loathing of the annoying Brit? Nothing made sense to him. He sighed as he walked to the kitchen, freezing at the sight before him. 

Benatar was wiping Axel's mouth, the brunet smiling at him. Axel had one arm over the chair with his other hand placed on Benatar's hip. Benatar's squeaky giggle rang through Puff's ears as he registered the lovey-dovey talk between them.

"Darling, must you always use so much maple syrup? You know it gets everywhere!" Benatar teased, patting Axel's face with the dainty handkerchief.  
"Babe, you of all people should know I'm a sucker for having sweet things on my face!" Axel joked back, pulling Benatar in and kissing his cheek, causing the blond to giggle.

Puff stared, this entire scene felt so.... _alien_ to him. The Axel he knew would have been revolted at the sight, when did this happen? They-they must be faking, right? It's just a greencard marriage, right? He couldn't actually be in love with him..

"Good morning, Puff." Deejay said, sipping his coffee. Pixie sat beside him, tapping away on a purple laptop, baby TJ Jr clinging to their silk purple robe. They seemed to be very invested in what they were doing.

"What's the ladyboy doing?" Puff asked, confused.  
" _He's_ looking for venues to play." DeeJay explained, sternly correcting Puff's language.   
" **They**." Came the sound of Pixie's text to speech app.  
"They. My bad, baby."

Puff blinked, confused. He sat down next to Nicki, the little girl eating in her high chair. Puff couldn't help but keep focus on his friends that he could barely hear Axel's mother. 

"Puff? Puff? PUFF!" Her voice startled him, shocking him back to reality.  
"Y-yeah, Mrs. Chains?" He said, noticing her glare on him.  
"That's Alison to you, and what do you want for breakfast?"  
"Uh.....bacon and eggs, I guess."   
"Coming right up. And try not to look at my son and son in law like a creep."

Puff groaned, rubbing his face. Back upstairs, Dimentia sat in the tub, curled up as she rubbed her arms. She motioned her hand in the warm water, watching with a blank, empty face. She couldn't believe it, her beloved had a child?? He had procreated and it wasn't even with her. Tears streamed down her face, she sobbed and buried her face in her arms. She wanted to cry, to scream, to break things...she couldn't deal with it...

**_" D҉͚͍̰̟͚̰im̩̗͞e̝͖̩n̤̻̘̗t̬̬̝͞i̠a̭!" _ **

**__**Dimentia sprang her head up, wide eyed as she heard the voice in her head, fear filling her body.

"M-Master Maker...!!" She stuttered, holding herself. 

 

_**"W̶̠͚͚̟̣͐̽ͮ͒h̑̋̊҉̱̝̞̟͍̘̞̫̝͜a͉͎͌̊͂̍͠t͔̭̗̠͍̼̀ͫͨ̒ͣ͘'̧͖̲ͧ̽̌͋͑ͤͬ̇ͥs̡̢͙͓͉͉̜̈̅͋ͮ͑̈ͅ ̇ͭ̏̔̒ͩ͐͏̦̖͉̖̜̠̕ͅͅt̴̟͖̙̟̩̻̅̋͆ͪa͛͜͏̗̪̻̼k͉̣̭͛͝͡i̱̤̍̊̂ͥ͠ņ̣̘̣̹̤̤̀ͥͮ̿̍͜g̨̉̆́͆̕͏̘̥͍̳̱̱̯ ̖̫̿ͮ̇ỷͪ̆ͯͪ̔҉̹͙̠̱͈͢͜o̰͙̠̹̥͑̿u̥̥ͣ͆ͪ̒ͬ͑̑ͧ͟͞ ͚̉̇̿̓̓͊̎͘͞s͍̦͚͍̽̃͘͜ō͎̠̖̌̈́͡ ̪͈͎̂͛̑ͥͥͦ̏̽͂ļ͈̜̲̻͖ͯ̊͗̒̔͒͛͗̋͡ó̴ͥ̔̈̈̓͏̜̖n̨̹̠͖̟̄̿͠g̵̗͔̯̖͓̠̙̑́̍̒̅͒ͫͭͥ?̴̗͓̂ͥͯ̍͆̍ͦ̉͘͟!͍͓̱̪͈͔̩͚̅̎̎ ̣̭̅̌͂̈́ͦ̓̿̕Y̾͊̇̽̏͊́͛͞͏̬̣̺ͅͅo̡̡̹͇̿ͥ́ú͊̈́̾ͩ̎͏̶̲̼̮̟̱͕̜ ͯ́͒̉ͪ͜͏̹͜h͈̖͎͔̲̍͞ȁ͐ͧ͏̸̸͔͓̤̮v̞͉̭̜̼̼̹̓͊ͭ́͋̌̇e̷͔̖̯̭̍ͫ͜ ̘̻́̒ͨ̃͂͂̅ͬ͞a̿ͫ́̌͏̤̹̹̘̤ ̗͍̯͔͚͖̰̟̦̅͊̀͜͡j̵̷̢̥̭̜̥͎̯͙̆̈́͗̒̅ͫo̴̦̦͚ͯ̽ͫ̿̒̄̆̌͠ḃ̷̳̰̈́͡ͅ ̙̀ͦ̚t̛͂ͫ͠͏̼o̶̟̞̝͙̤ͭ̿̈̔͛̚͠ ̨͔̯̂ͬͬͥ̓͒̚̚͡͡ͅd̡̞͗͊ͧͥ̂̌̂̉o̡̝̥͇̱̳̮͈ͯ͗͝!̣̜ͦ̄ͨ͘"** _

"I....."  
_**  
"**_ _ **A̐̃ͯ̄͏̡̖̟̰̖̬̝̫̳r̜̼̬͖͍̼ͣͤ̾͟e̞̹̝̬͓͍̭̩̊̏̋͑̇̅͘ ̠̩͔̗͓̃ͮͯ̉̒ͩ̚͠ỳ̵̛͎̼͔͈̗͔̙̃̀̄̍ͮ̎̆͝o̺ͪͪ̂̐̅̇̚̚͠û̞ͣͫ̈͟ ̧͎̠̳̼̤̥̙ͯ̊̿ͬͮ͛̇͠n̨̲̥͉͍̜̲̟̈ͪẹ͇̳̞̮̟͉̻ͩ͊̅̌g̓͑͌͊̂͜҉͚͉̬̦̙̯ḷ̸̞͓͆̿̋̄̃̊ͣͧ̕ȅ̚҉̫̪̭̩͢ͅc͕̟̟͇͙̝̯̆͑̅̒ͅt͇̯̍̆̃͑̇́̊̾͜i̶̵̗̟̳̟͉ͣ͌ͯ͗̂̇ͨ̽̕ṇ͖͔̥̹̾͐̒ͤ̿̾ͮg̩̱̘̥̩̩̝̑̎ͩ͆ͧ̈́ͩ̓͐ ̴̗ͧͦ̕͘y͙̟̭̣̳̥̎̊̑̓̊ó̥̦̺̼͕͊̉͑̀̔̕u̡͇̜̙̬̩͙̠ͨ̒ͪṟ̠̠͕̟̹̣̥̐ͧ̄͑̿͡ ̴̯̟̻̦̜̳̩̲̓ͬͅd̠̳̳̼̺̼̆͗̈́ṷ̦̗̬̺͑̋t̅̆̿̊͛҉̙̩̣̞͇̰͖̞ͅi̧̫̦ͮ͗͊̓̅̂͒̊ͯę̔ͅs̹̞̜̰ͧ̅ͦ͆̅̍̚̚,̨̟̱ͪͯ̌̾̓ ̶̥̖̰͎̱̻̟̹̻̿̔ͫ̎̄ͨ̈͌͜m̛̗͔̟̔̽̌̏̃̄̿ͪ͜iͯ͆ͩͥ̅̽̊̾͏͟ͅn̟̳̝̣̜̜̼͑͛̔̍̄̊̉̄͘͞i̶̻̮̼͈̟̠̠̹͆̑ͭͮ̒̒o͎̜̙̺̲̭̣͚ͣ͗ͫ͒̉͒̂͞n͙̮͍̤ͨ̌ͯ̍ͭ̇̋̆̚?̸̱̯͓͚̫͕͒ͨ̏̐ͪ̅!͕̔̉̊ͮ̔̈"**_

"No, I'm not!!"  
_**  
"**_ _**M͌̔y͒ͯͫ ͯͧͩ̌̃̾̊p̨ͬ̓ĺ͆̈́̚͞aͯ̐ͥͬn̔ͩ̄s̵͒̓͋̂͑͑͆ w̍ͯ̔͘ĩͥ̈ͫ͑̚lͫ̋ͫͫ̽̚l͞ ̢͛̎̎ͤ͑̍͐n̓̋̓e̍̑̽͂v̨e̛r͑ ̉̐̈ͩ̾ͧͮ͠coͭ͒ͬ͆͌ͦ̚͏m͘e̡ͣ͋́̏̍ ͢tͭǒ̇͆̋ͥ̐̐ ͦ͌ͥ̈́̒̋f̆͘rͦͯ̀ͩ̈́u̶̔̄ͨ͌ͤ̚̚i̓̑̃͌̐̇̒͘t̊̃̂̃͑̒ȋͦͧo̸͋̌̓̽̉̚ń͑̇͌̎̓͢ ̾̂̇͒i̛̓̑ͧ͑̊ͤͪfͦ ͭ̈́́̚yo̽ͨ̉̓͝u̽̃ͥ̒͌͑ͭ ̷̇̓d̀ͤ͋̎onͫ'̵ͨ̌̽̃t͌͌͛͒ͦ ̇̒̃ͮ͑̚br͆̋̓iͯͭͨ̆ͮͦ̈n̷̐͋̒̔ͩ͆g ̓ͫ͂ͬ͗̚Y͗ͧ̍͋̾o̒̎ͫ͗̀̑ͨȗr͊͂ͣ̾ ͌̂̍͜F͆ͨ́͌̒ͤ̂͞à̈́̉̓̾v̔̈̋ő͊̉ͪ̂ŗͯ̈ͮî̉̏̌ť̂̿͑̒e̷̔͗͗ͬ ̎̃ͤ̍M̓̓̅̀ͬar̡̊ͯ̏t̍͌͗̔ͥ͝ia̾̔̏͊̚̚nͨͯ͆̅ͣͭ̒͝ t͋̊͟õ̊͂̐̾͠ ͛͂̉͏m̐e̢ͣ̏͋͑ͤ̾ͧ!̈̽́ ̈ͦ̆̐́̓I ͧͩ̓͂̅͋b̈́̔͑̀̉r̈ͨ̉͂̿͗ō͟uͩ͛ͯ̊̐ͦ͡g͛̂̂̒̽h͌ͫ̐͌͗̚t͗ͧ͌̾͞ ͯ̄y̴ͪo͐͊ͦͪͭ͡ů̋̂̅̀͛͊ ̍̅bącͫ̀k̽͊̍́ ͐͒̈̄̊t̀ͨ̑o͠ ̉̂ͥt̅ͬͦ̆̂h̢̑i̎ͭͨͮ͌̈͢s͆̄̅͘ ̿͌ͧ͑̉ͪr̡̆̎̅ͮ̍ͣ́e͞á̀ͭlm̽ͣ̀͛,ͫ̿̆ ̵͊͑ͦ́̍ͭnͭ͜oͯ̈́ͫ̋ͫͥwͭ͐̏ͫͬ͂͡ ͗̾ͦͣ̀͐҉y̵oͬͪ̈́͊̇͛́u̿ͭ̋͟ ̅̍ͥ͑́̇̚uͬ̋̇̑̓͐ͩ͠p̧̈h̛̎ͪ͆͑̈́̚ơͭͬͯl͂d̾ ̅̓ͨͤ̚y̆̈́ͪͨ͑ͨo̸ůͣ̒̋̈́ͩr͟ ̎ͫ̓ͬ͘e̸ń̡̓̄͑̓͒̽d ̅͒ͧ̾̍͠oͮ̓̿fͫ ͥ͗͂ͩṫh̡e͑̓͋ͪͣͥͩ͠ ͋ͪb͐̎͗a̽rͯ͐ͧ̈́̾ͦ̋͠gͥ̆̓̆ͨ͊ả̷̈́͑͆ͩ̇ï͗ͫ́̓ͩn̨̆̎!̓͒ͪ ̶̓̋̒ͨ͋Ï͗̒͞f̈̔ͩͨ̆͞ ̅̍ͩ̅͑yo̵ͮu͜ ̓̍̒̄̒͆̈v͗ͯ͛ͣ̓͢a̛̐ͬl̸ͬ͂͂u̇ͥe͂ͮ̏͆͡ ̷ͫẏ̈́̽ͮ̈́ͣ̒oͦ̔̓͛u͏rͦ̀͌ͥ̚ ̨̍ͪ̿͂ľ̒͡iͩ͒̍͐̔͢f̓ͥ̈̉̅ͨ̃͡ę͛̒͛̎̉,̷̇̿ ͮyͧͪ̉ͤ͝ó̊u͌̊̇ͣ'̵̉l̶͊͋̔͆̚l͐ͫͪ͒̒ͣ ͗ͪ͒ͮ̉͞ȃ̡̇ͣͭv̅͋ͣ͛͒ͪͤ͏o̿iͦ̐̀ͪ͑̚̚͠dͣ͟ ͮ̊͜t̓̾̇̒̓̀̋͡h̢̋̇̍͆e͂͗͑ ̋ĉ͂͑ͩ̾̈o̡ͣ̔̈nͩͯ̉͞s̐ͨ̐̔͛͟e͋͑q̒͑̏͐͋̐̐u̎̾́̃̇̈́eͦ͛̀̎ͭ̉̚nͫ͆͘c̓̈́ͮ̂̂es͑ͫ͛̎ͧ̽̏!ͧ̈̏ͮ͐"** _

_****_ "Y-Yes sir..."

With that, the voice disappeared from her head, giving her peace for the time being. She sighed heavily; she had no time to dwell on her beloved. She had to obey her master... even if it means betraying the band she loves.

  



End file.
